Ok, so there’s this girl you really, really like – and you need to be with her more than anything else in the world.
You need to show her you love her, so that she will realize that you two are supposed to be together.
Well, I have a confession to make… The title of this post is actually misleading – because I’m NOT going to tell you how to show a girl you love her.
Why? Because trying to ‘show a girl you love her’ will NOT make her want to be with you. In fact, it will do the exact opposite – it will make her want to run away.
I’m sure your REAL goal is not to show this girl that you love her, but rather to get her to love you back so you can be together, right? If so, then it’s time for me to give you the red pill, unplug you from the Matrix, and show you what’s really going on between men and women…
Ready?
Women Don’t ‘Choose’ Who They Are Attracted To
Women are primarily attracted to a certain set of desirable personality and behavioral traits in men.
An attractive man triggers attraction when he demonstrates that he is confident, composed, independent, interesting, fun, high-status, sexually aware and challenging. (And to a small extent, good-looking – but that’s only about 10% of the equation.)
Attraction is triggered by those desirable traits, but this happens at a totally subconscious level in a woman. It doesn’t happen at her logical, conscious level – it happens deep down, and it happens fast.
This is such a key point to understand. It would be a lot simpler if a woman looked at a man’s “personal CV” – what job he has, whether he’s a good guy, how he treats women etc – and then she consciously decided whether to be attracted to him. But attraction doesn’t work logically like that.
Instead, what happens is this: if a man displays desirable personality and behavioral traits during his interactions with the woman, then attraction is triggered inside her. She has no conscious control over it – it just happens. (Just like if a woman has a hot body, it triggers attraction in a man instantly, down at that level.)
You Can’t Persuade A Woman To Like You
This means you can’t persuade a woman to feel attracted to you by doing things that logically she should appreciate – e.g. buying her flowers, being really nice, giving her attention etc. Attraction just doesn’t work that way.
If you don’t trigger attraction, then she will never want to be with you (she’ll see you as “just a friend”) – no matter how good a match “logically” you would be. And if you do trigger attraction, then she’ll want to be with you in spite of any objections her logical mind may be telling her about you.
For example, women will put up with all sorts of crazy bad treatment to be with jerks who logically they should not like, but who they feel strong attraction for. They just can’t help themselves.
A woman may use logical sounding reasons after the fact – to justify to her friends and to herself why she is with this badly behaved guy. But that’s not the same as saying that logic played any part when the feeling of attraction was actually being triggered.
“Tell Her How You Feel” Is the Worst Advice EVER
When most guys ask their buddies, those guys (who don’t know any better) say “Hey man, just tell her how you feel”. That expression – “tell her how you feel” – is quite frankly the worst piece of dating advice ever. Seriously, it makes me cringe just hearing it.
Doing things to show her “how you feel” – or even worse, telling her – doesn’t work and never will. That is because a woman learning how you feel will has absolutely no effect on how much attraction she feels for you.
If a guy tells a girl he likes her, and then they hook up, it will have been in spite of him telling her how he felt, not because he did.
Telling her that you’re interested causes a variety of bad things to happen. Firstly it displays all the wrong traits – insecurity, lower status, non-dominance (by giving her all the power), and lack of sexual awareness.
Secondly, women get turned on by the thrill and mystery of the chase (“I wonder if he really does like me?”). By telling her up front that you do, you’ve instantly killed all the mystery and intrigue. Sexual tension is crucial to the attraction process, and by telling her how you feel, you kill that instantly.
So how will she know I’m interested then, you ask?
That’s the whole point – she doesn’t need to know! That’s not how the attraction and hook-up process works. You don’t say to her “Hey this is how I feel about you, please now decide whether you feel attracted to me too”.
Here’s how it does work:
1. You display traits that trigger feelings of attraction in her, and
2. You then lead the interaction towards physical intimacy.
That’s it. At no point do you ever have to “let her know you like her”. That will have the opposite effect to what you want. (And it will become pretty obvious to her that you like her when you start kissing her…)
Instead, you need to learn the right way to display those attractive traits quickly and effectively to spark attraction, and then how to escalate things smoothly. (If you do things the wrong way, you can kill the attraction just as quickly…)
So go ahead and download your FREE copy of the Attraction Playbook.
The Playbook is a 70+ page guide that covers ALL aspects of sparking attraction, building your inner confidence, dating and seduction.
It’s totally free – just enter your details in the box at the top of this page, and you’ll get instant access.
Happy hunting,
Ryan
