Want to know how to behave on a first date? The shocking truth is that it’s the exact opposite of what most guys do.
You see, most men have a presumption drilled into them from birth that women are the ones who do the choosing. The traditional model of courtship in Western societies is one where a succession of men perform ‘courtship displays’ (i.e. dates) in front of the woman, and then she chooses the one she wants.
A date is therefore supposed to be “a guy’s chance to impress a girl”, and “her chance to see if he’s the real deal”.
But this completely and fundamentally the wrong way to think about the dating process. You MUST stop thinking that way. Not just because it isn’t fair on you as a man, but also because by doing so, you’re actually killing all the attraction.
Let me explain…
It’s All About The Message You’re Sending
For women, a guy’s looks are only about 20% of the attraction equation. The other 80% is whether he is displaying certain masculine character traits.
Those traits include confidence, composure, leadership, decisiveness, independence, being a challenge, being desired by other women, and having high social status (compared to her and compared to other men).
But by acting under the presumption that the girl is the one doing the choosing, you are displaying the exact opposite of those attractive traits.
By allowing the girl to be the selector, and by adopting the role whereby you “try to impress her and prove your worth”, you’re actually displaying character traits that are a huge TURN OFF to women – neediness, insecurity, low social status, and a total lack of challenge. You’re effectively telling her up front that she’s already done everything she needs to do to impress you.
Women are not attracted to men who do this.
Women are attracted to men who present a challenge. Men who they need to chase. Men who are not desperately trying to impress them. Men who probably have other options.
It’s Time To Change Your Mindset
You need to adopt the mindset that you are a very attractive man who any woman would be lucky to have. You are the prize, not her.
By adopting this mindset, it has the effect of putting your mind ‘on offence‘, which is when you’re at your most masculine – and therefore most attractive. And as you maintain that frame on a date, you’ll naturally and subconsciously start coming across as more attractive – confident, self-secure, independent, decisive and high social-status.
Consequently, you need to start thinking of a date as YOUR chance to see if she fits YOUR required description, just as much as it is hers. You are there to screen her – to see if she is cool enough for you, to see if she is compatible with your requirements.
You should have a list of qualities a woman must have before she qualifies as good enough for you. Yes, she needs to be of a certain level of physical attractiveness, but that only gets her through the first gate and into the holding pen. She then needs to prove to you that she has other qualities too – the things that matter to you.
(For me, a girl has to be fun, emotionally stable, kind, respectful of me, and a good personality match. But you should make your own list…)
Shift Your Focus Away From Yourself And Onto Her
When on a date with a girl, most guys therefore focus their attention squarely on themselves. Because they assume the role of “suitor trying to impress”, their mission is to try and sound cool and interesting – and not to screw up, and they focus all their energy on that.
“What would be the best answer to her question?”
“Did she like what I just said?”
“I wonder if this is going well enough for me to get a second date?”
This puts an awful lot of pressure on you, and by focusing your attention on your “performance” you will unwittingly display unattractive traits – neediness, insecurity, nervousness. Dates need to be fun to be successful, and it’s hard to have fun when you’re obsessing over what she is thinking about you.
So as to how to behave on a first date, try shifting the focus away from yourself, and start focusing on her. Is she impressing YOU with her qualities? Sure, she may look good, but that isn’t enough for you. Is she demonstrating all those other required personality qualities, such that you’d give her a second date? Remember – you are the selector.
Having this mentality helps to take the attention and pressure off yourself and what you are saying. If your focus is on whether SHE is making the grade or not, you won’t be worrying about whether YOU are.
See the big shift in mentality? Like all things, when you have strong overall “Inner Game”, this sort of thinking comes naturally. If you believe deep down that you are attractive and successful and irresistible to women, then naturally you will see a date as her chance to audition for the part of your lover/girlfriend, not the other way around.
To learn more about how to behave on a first date – exactly what to SAY and DO – plus how to build strong “Inner Game”, download your free copy of the Attraction Playbook now.
It contains 70+ pages of powerful attraction tactics that will make women start thinking about you in “that way”…
It’s totally free, so just enter your details in the box at the top of this page, and you’ll get instant access.
Happy hunting,
Ryan
