I get a lot of emails from guys wanting to know the best ways to ask a girl out. Despite what most guys think, it isn’t compulsory to follow the “traditional rules” when it comes to meeting and attracting women.
You don’t have to get a girl’s phone number with an overt, explicit view of setting up a date. You don’t have to organize an “official first date” and then an “official second date”.
In fact, it’s often much easier, more effective and less stressful to just arrange for the two of you to hang out together in some other casual context.
Sure, you can get a girls number for the purposes of asking her out for a “formal” drink some time. Nothing wrong with that – sometimes an official “date” is a good thing to do.
But start thinking outside the box on this too. If you’ve been chatting to a girl for a while, just say something like: “Hey look I gotta go in a minute, but it’d be cool to pick up this conversation again another time – give me your number.”
Hand her your phone and get her to dial her number into it, and then you can save it. (Don’t ask, just tell her to give it to you and she usually will.) Ideally, stick around to chat for a bit longer after getting the number – it makes it even less direct.
In my experience, one of the best ways to ask a girl out is to not “officially ask her out” at all. Ring her up and tell her to come window shopping at some cool stores with you. Go do some fun activity together – play pool or hit the beach. Invite her to a gig you’re going to see with your friends. Invite her to a party you’re having the following weekend. Tell her to bring friends.
Alternatively, make a reason to hang out together again right there when you’re first talking to her. If you both like art, and have been chatting for a while, make a plan then and there to go to the new exhibition in town the following week. Make it sound like just hanging out / becoming friends.
To get an email address, one of the best ways is to set something up earlier in the interaction – e.g. you were telling her about a fascinating article you read online, or a funny YouTube video, or whatever, then that’s a context to get her email address – so you can send it to her. Email contact and attraction building can then commence.
Using these sort of non-direct “innocent” contexts to getting a woman’s contact details not only takes a lot of the pressure off you, it also has the advantage of making it unclear to her as to whether you are interested in dating her or not. And as counter-intuitive as it might seem, making her wonder whether you like her or not is a GOOD thing.
Of course, the REAL trick is then knowing:
(a) how to build attraction when you are spending time with her, and
(b) how to escalate things from “hanging out” to “making out”.
I cover both those topics in great detail in the Attraction Playbook, so grab a copy now if you haven’t already. It’s totally free – just enter your details in the box at the top of this page and I’ll email it to you right away.
All the best,
Ryan
